Well, well - two days in a row of posts! This feels like I'm getting back into my own skin again.
It's a beautiful sunny day here in Moscow...quite the opposite of the weather we've been having here lately (dark, dreary, cold, rainy, and blustery). Sitting here in the sunshine has made me realize what a huge impact the weather has on my mood. Even Russia has nice days sometimes - who knew?
For whatever reason, this type of day makes me feel optimistic. A few days ago, I just couldn't seem to get out of my own way - everything seemed like an enormous mountain to climb. Now I feel peaceful and relaxed. It makes me wonder if my hormones are going a little too haywire these days (as in 'a constant state of PMS'?).
One thing is certain: I am my own worst enemy. Judgemental...critical...pressuring myself to be productive. No one else has been harping on what I should be doing or how I should be eating...just me. As that saying goes, I'd gotten really good at "should'ing all over myself".
Today I don't feel any "shoulds"...it's a relief to take that pressure off myself. The weird thing is that I didn't realize how much I'd been badgering myself to do-do-do and go-go-go until I just suddenly stopped. How is it that I let myself get so tightly wound up about so many inconsequential tiny details? The big picture had disappeared for quite a while...and now, quietly sitting here in the sun has brought the big picture back into focus.
Yesterday and today, I managed to get a lot of little things off my to-do lists and it feels great to just sit and blog. No pressure...no "have-to"...I just want to for fun. (Fun? What's that?)
Unlike yesterday, there's no clawing today - just sitting in the sun and (dare I say it?)...purring. (Okay, enough with the cat analogy.)
I know it sounds like I've gone completely mad. But at least I'm happy this way. :)
It's a beautiful sunny day here in Moscow...quite the opposite of the weather we've been having here lately (dark, dreary, cold, rainy, and blustery). Sitting here in the sunshine has made me realize what a huge impact the weather has on my mood. Even Russia has nice days sometimes - who knew?
For whatever reason, this type of day makes me feel optimistic. A few days ago, I just couldn't seem to get out of my own way - everything seemed like an enormous mountain to climb. Now I feel peaceful and relaxed. It makes me wonder if my hormones are going a little too haywire these days (as in 'a constant state of PMS'?).
One thing is certain: I am my own worst enemy. Judgemental...critical...pressuring myself to be productive. No one else has been harping on what I should be doing or how I should be eating...just me. As that saying goes, I'd gotten really good at "should'ing all over myself".
Today I don't feel any "shoulds"...it's a relief to take that pressure off myself. The weird thing is that I didn't realize how much I'd been badgering myself to do-do-do and go-go-go until I just suddenly stopped. How is it that I let myself get so tightly wound up about so many inconsequential tiny details? The big picture had disappeared for quite a while...and now, quietly sitting here in the sun has brought the big picture back into focus.
Yesterday and today, I managed to get a lot of little things off my to-do lists and it feels great to just sit and blog. No pressure...no "have-to"...I just want to for fun. (Fun? What's that?)
Unlike yesterday, there's no clawing today - just sitting in the sun and (dare I say it?)...purring. (Okay, enough with the cat analogy.)
I know it sounds like I've gone completely mad. But at least I'm happy this way. :)
6 comments:
No it doesnt sound mad. You're getting yourself back and that's a good thing. So why did you get lost in the fog? Is it worth trying the simple things first and getting one of those light lamps?
Purring in the sunshine. Sounds like a little piece of heaven to me. :)
I swear, there is nothing like a sunny day to make me realize that overcast days really DO affect my mood - I'm so glad you're getting some sunshine!
Happy is all that really matters! I've had SO much to do. So many must do's on my list that I have lagged at what I WANT to do which is visit and comment my bloggy loves! Glad to see you are well:)
and you SO can not be "mad" if youre happy the way you are.
that's my entire misfit life!
Hate "shoulds". My dad was a big "should-er" and I stay away from them.
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