That's a big gain...See? I told you I've been eating a lot...not horrible stuff, just large quantities. Large quantities = large Debbie. Enough!
Admittedly, I was fearful about walking (walking!) on the treadmill for 30 minutes this morning...procrastination. Then I was bargaining with myself while trying to distract myself. Excuse after excuse trickled into my brain - deep down, I knew it was all bullshit. So I took a few seconds to check in on my emotions. Okay, I realized I was scared - but scared of what? Falling down? No. Failing? No. Getting overheated? Embarrassing myself? Pain? Exhaustion? What? What???? There was no answer. It hit me - there was nothing to be afraid of.
So I went. I walked. Nothing bad happened. A lot of fear and hype over nothing. (The self-tortured debate I had with myself before I went - going vs. not going - was much worse than any part of the workout itself.)
As a bonus, I was pleasantly surprised to find they'd enlarged the exercise/weight room (it's in my kids' school) - so it was the same yet different. Better air circulation (yippee for that one!) and more space.
In hindsight, the thing I think I was fearing most was taking the first step out of my la-la land of comfort eating. Getting on the scale and getting on the treadmill today both signified getting out of denial and getting real. Finally facing reality is scary when you've been hiding from it for quite a while.
But I'll claw my way back - I know it's all in the small decisions I'm faced with over and over all day. What it comes down to for me is this: I can choose emotional overeating or choose life.
Numbing myself with food is not living. I'm ready.
Admittedly, I was fearful about walking (walking!) on the treadmill for 30 minutes this morning...procrastination. Then I was bargaining with myself while trying to distract myself. Excuse after excuse trickled into my brain - deep down, I knew it was all bullshit. So I took a few seconds to check in on my emotions. Okay, I realized I was scared - but scared of what? Falling down? No. Failing? No. Getting overheated? Embarrassing myself? Pain? Exhaustion? What? What???? There was no answer. It hit me - there was nothing to be afraid of.
So I went. I walked. Nothing bad happened. A lot of fear and hype over nothing. (The self-tortured debate I had with myself before I went - going vs. not going - was much worse than any part of the workout itself.)
As a bonus, I was pleasantly surprised to find they'd enlarged the exercise/weight room (it's in my kids' school) - so it was the same yet different. Better air circulation (yippee for that one!) and more space.
In hindsight, the thing I think I was fearing most was taking the first step out of my la-la land of comfort eating. Getting on the scale and getting on the treadmill today both signified getting out of denial and getting real. Finally facing reality is scary when you've been hiding from it for quite a while.
But I'll claw my way back - I know it's all in the small decisions I'm faced with over and over all day. What it comes down to for me is this: I can choose emotional overeating or choose life.
Numbing myself with food is not living. I'm ready.
8 comments:
Go Debbie! Yep, it takes commitment and sticking to your plan. Looking forward to that scale going down, down, down. :)
Good for you Debbie, welcome back!
Yay for you, but girl, you know I know that hiding place.
We're here with you.
I have the same fear when I've been away from the gym or the scale. It's silly, but it's normal. I'm glad you are feeling well enough to get back on track. :)
I love how you talked yourself through the fear - and I swear, sometimes the getting there is the biggest hurdle to exercise. Good on ya for taking that first step!
Hang in there buddy..one step at a time. I went through my own crisis and little gain this summer and thought a lot about it. Trying to analyze what can I do about this and why does it happen. It seems it's either ALL(comfort eating galore) or Nothing (strict food plans ) on the food situation which just keeps repeating the cycle. I have no answers just doing one day at a time is working. Also, only weighing once a week to keep the scale obsession at bay. You can do this.
i too feel that the scariest part is getting out of denial.
i always feel like if i can step on the scale after a few days of la la eating, I can move forward with healthy decisions.
glad your back and blogging!
Hi, new follower here. Wow, you have made some awesome progress. Shrinking right before our eyes, congrats! :)
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